The Power of Body Language

Body Language - Handshake

Wouldn't it be amazing if you can accurately predict other people's emotions, state or mood every time you're shaking their hands?

Would you like to know how to properly shake hands in specific situations for maximum success?

Then listen closely. I'll show you what certain handshakes mean and what you can do to give a memorable handshake.

A person who is confident or exhibits power gives a firm handshake (palms pointing downwards in most cases).

Someone who is nervous, tensed or shy gives a wilted handshake (palms pointing upwards in most cases).

Now here are some wonderful tips to give an excellent handshake that makes people trust, respect or like you.

1) Smile while shaking hands, but don't smile for too long because it might give the perception that you're gullible or not too smart.

2) Make eye contact for around 3 seconds while shaking hands. Don't look too intensely nor too long into their eyes.

3) If you're sitting down, stand up to show respect when shaking hands (except in special cases like when you're eating). Remaining sited while shaking hands may give the impression that you're not interested in the other party, and will probably offend them.

4) If you have sweaty hands, wipe out the sweat with a napkin or handkerchief before shaking hands.

5) Extend your arm outward to show them your enthusiasm and confidence.

6) Your palm should come in contact with their palm. This conveys openness and sincerity, and proves that you're not hiding anything.

7) Don't squeeze their hands too hard. Shake hands firmly, but don't give too much pressure.

Hope these tips come in handy. Btw, if you want to discover the 10 vital "do's" and "don'ts" of shaking hands, as well as numerous body language and covert hypnosis secrets, go to:

Body Language: Gestures & their Meaning

Gesture: Brisk, erect walk
Meaning: Confidence

Gesture: Standing with hands on hips
Meaning: Readiness, aggression

Gesture: Sitting with legs crossed, foot kicking slightly
Meaning: Boredom

Gesture: Sitting, legs apart
Meaning: Open, relaxed

Gesture: Arms crossed on chest
Meaning: Defensiveness

Gesture: Walking with hands in pockets, shoulders hunched
Meaning: Dejection

Gesture: Hand to cheek
Meaning: Evaluation, thinking

Gesture: Touching, slightly rubbing nose
Meaning: Rejection, doubt, lying

Gesture: Rubbing the eye
Meaning: Doubt, disbelief

Gesture: Hands clasped behind back
Meaning: Anger, frustration, apprehension

Gesture: Locked ankles
Meaning: Apprehension

Gesture: Head resting in hand, eyes downcast
Meaning: Boredom

Gesture: Rubbing hands
Meaning: Anticipation

Gesture: Sitting with hands clasped behind head, legs crossed
Meaning: Confidence, superiority

Gesture: Open palm
Meaning: Sincerity, openness, innocence

esture: Pinching bridge of nose, eyes closed
Meaning: Negative evaluation

Gesture: Tapping or drumming fingers
Meaning: Impatience

Gesture: Steepling fingers
Meaning: Authoritative

Gesture: Patting/fondling hair
Meaning: Lack of self-confidence; insecurity

Gesture: Quickly tilted head
Meaning: Interest

Gesture: Stroking chin
Meaning: Trying to make a decision

Gesture: Looking down, face turned away
Meaning: Disbelief

Gesture: Biting nails
Meaning: Insecurity, nervousness

Gesture: Pulling or tugging at ear
Meaning: Indecision

Gesture: Prolonged tilted head
Meaning: Boredom

Communication and Interpersonal Skills

Further to building Self Esteem and Assertiveness to boost your Self Confidence, you also need to be equipped with competencies and skills to develop communication strategies to pursue short and long term goals. It is important to understand the impact your communication skills have on other people and how improving these skills can make it easier for you to get along in different walks of life.

Confidence in your ability to express yourself well and keep your composure in difficult situations can be a crucial asset. If you are frequently anxious about making mistakes, or looking foolish, you limit your own strength to succeed.

Do you brim with self-confidence or do you fear appearing incompetent in front of friends and seniors?

Have you ever wondered why it seems so difficult to talk with some people and so easy to talk with others?

Can you recall an occasion where you met someone for the first time and immediately liked that person?

Something about the individual made you feel comfortable. Enhancing your communication and interpersonal skills will need you to:

• Identify common communication problems that may be holding you back
• Develop skills in asking questions that give you information you need
• Learn what your non-verbal messages are telling others
• Develop skills in listening actively and empathetically to others
• Enhance your ability to handle difficult situations
• Deal with situations assertively

According to research done by Prof. Shirley Winslow of the University of Alberta, humans have four fears. These are:

1. Fear of failure
2. Fear of humiliation or embarrassment
3. Fear of losing power
4. Fear of rejection

Usually one of these fears is the strongest. This is the one that influences your behavior most often, the one that quite likely shows up when you communicate and so you need to try and overcome it. It is in you to decide whether you would like to use self-defeating words or uplifting words and lend a positive attitude to those around you, as success is a poor teacher and it is realization of failure that enables us to learn.
There is need for today’s scholar to develop relationships by effective communication for which there is need to:

• Speak to people: there is nothing as nice as a cheerful word of greeting
• Smile at people: it takes 72 muscles to frown, only 14 to smile
• Call people by name: the sweetest music to anyone’s ears is the sound of their own name
• Be friendly and helpful: to make a friend, you have to be a friend
• Be cordial: speak and act as if everything you do is a genuine pleasure
• Be genuinely interested in people: you can like almost anybody if you try
• Be generous with praise and cautious with criticism
• Be considerate with the feelings of others. There are usually three sides to a controversy: yours, the other fellow’s and the right side
• Be alert to give service: what counts most in life is what we do for others
• Add to this a good sense of humor, a big dose of patience and a dash of humility and you will be rewarded many-fold

You also need very active listening skills to be a good communicator. One reason listening is so important is that we do so much of it every day. According to research, listening occupies about 80 percent of our waking hours. Studies confirm that good listeners make good managers. Members of the Academy of Certified Administrative Managers selected active listening as the most crucial management skill.
The problem is that listening and hearing is not the same thing. Most of us were fortunate to be born with hearing, but listening is a skill that must be learned, practiced and perfected before it can be used successfully.

• Listen Actively
• Listen with interest
• Get rid of thinking, feeling and assuming
• Listen for what isn’t said, the non-verbal cues

Listening is hard work. When other people are listening to us, they have the same difficulties we do. Always be clear to the what’s in it for me?

More Body Language: gestures and their common meanings

Head nod – I understand
Rolling eyes – I do not believe you
Rubbing something – suspicion or rejection
Stroking the chin – evaluating, I am thinking of what you said
Clearing throat – nervous
Pushing forward – serious
Hands open and palms up – helplessness
One hand above head – emphasize point
Both hands clasped above head – triumph
Hand in front of mouth – telling half a story or embarrassment
Sitting back – I’ve got you now, confidence
Wagging a finger – you are wrong
Pointing at someone – aggressive
Sitting on fingers – confidence
Hands clasped behind back – I am in charge
Chewing pencil – nervous or uncertain
Crossed arms over chest - resistance, I do not agree
Deep sigh – bored
Be careful of mixed signals. Nonverbal is more believable than words.

Tips for Body Language - Non Verbal Communication

NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION

Our Non-Verbal Communication generates many signals and ‘sends’ them to the other party. Every internal thought that we have is transferred externally through our non-verbal communication and behaviour.

When we speak we can say anything we want to. We can tell the truth, lie, be vague, be forthright. Our body language, on the other hand, does not lie. There are hundreds of messages that our body gives away and the meaning of them taken by the audience in most cases takes priority over what we say.

When negotiating, we must be aware of our body language and voice tone and how we should use it and control it. We should also be observant and understand what the customer’s body language is telling us (refer to calibration). When we are negotiating and communicating, we should be aware of the signs that are being shown by the other party, for example, agreement, uncertainty, indecision etc. This is also important when we receive questions and/or objections; for example, if the objection is valid it is unlikely that deceit will be shown.

THE MEANING OF OUR COMMUNICATION TO OTHERS

VOICE - 38%

WORDS - 7%

PHYSIOLOGY - 55%

The table above clearly illustrates how our voice tone and body language shows itself when compared with verbal communication.

It’s not so much what we say, it’s more how we say it and the image we create while saying it. Of course, what we say must be accurate and true, however, if our voice sounds hesitant and our movement and physiology suggest that we are unsure or nervous, the party will be influenced by the meaning attached to them.

NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION OBSERVING PATTERNS

DECEIT: Mouth covering and nose covering may increase. Fidgeting or shifting on the seat may increase. Eye contact will be poor, probably looking down towards their feet or the floor. Generally there will be little or no animation.

SUGGESTION: This pattern may be common during false complaints, accusations or objections that are not real.

INSECURITY/NERVES: Fidgeting and nail biting increase; ‘self stroking’ and rubbing of the hands increase. Stroking or playing with rings/jewellery on the hand may increase. Clearing the throat, hands covering mouth when speaking and rubbing/tugging at the ear.

SUGGESTION: Do not offer new ideas or untried products to anyone showing these signs. Offer reassurance, guarantees, and peace of mind.

BOREDOM: Finger tapping, fidgeting and looking at watch or clock may increase. If sitting, the person may ‘turn away’, sit towards the edge of the chair and/or hold on to the chair arms or the edge of the table. The eyes will wander and eye contact will be poor.

SUGGESTION: Either bring them back into the conversation by asking an opinion based open question or wind up the conversation and leave.

INDECISION: Shifting on seat or fidgeting may increase. Scratching, rubbing the head or ‘pinching’ the nose may be shown. Looking upwards indicates that they are thinking or reflecting.

SUGGESTION: When presenting new ideas, solutions or offering alternative options, this pattern is normal. Reassurance statements maybe necessary, e.g. guarantees, refunds, etc.

RELAXATION/OPENNESS: Relaxed posture and breathing naturally accompanied with a natural smile. Nodding

of the head and good eye contact. A lack of body stiffness or tightness. Open hands, uncrossed legs and moving towards the edge of the chair if seated.

SUGGESTION: This is a key pattern to look for or work towards. Try and aim for this when solving problems/handling complaints or dealing with objections.

EVALUATION: Sitting forward in the chair, head slightly tilted and supported by one hand with elbow resting on the desk adopting the ‘Thinker’ posture. Head slightly tilted and stroking the chin is also common.

SUGGESTION: This pattern may show when presenting ideas, discussing options. If this pattern is shown but the person is reclined in their chair, it may indicate negative evaluation.

DEFENSIVENESS/DISAGREEMENT: Arms crossed on chest, fists clenched under the arms or hands groping biceps. Legs crossed either one over the other or in a ‘figure four’ position. The body may lean away from you when this pattern occurs.

SUGGESTION: In a sales or negotiation presentation, if we observe this pattern we must try and bring this person into a positive frame. Trading concessions or offering benefits may be difficult when this pattern is shown.

UNCERTAINTY/UNSURE: Closed hands and rubbing thumbs against each other. Sticking pen or pencil in the

mouth to chew/suck. Pinching the fleshy part of the other hand and/or picking cuticles may also be observed.

SUGGESTION: Offer solutions that have no or low risk attached to them. Give assurance; show evidence of success and/or safety.

CO-OPERATION: Sitting forward on edge of chair with good eye contact. Hand supporting head and head slightly tilted indicates that they are listening and showing interest. The unbuttoning of a coat or jacket is also a positive sign.

SUGGESTION: Try and encourage these signs when looking for a commitment or negotiating.

CONFIDENCE: When standing the stance will be erect and ‘proud’. Less hand to face movements when talking and the eyes will blink less. When seated the hands may form a ‘steeple’ shape. The higher this position is shown; for example, up to eye level, may indicate the more confident the other person is feeling. Indicators of personal space and ‘power’ are: Leaning back while sitting with both hands clasped behind the head and legs crossed in a ‘figure four’ position. Leg over the arm of a chair or foot placed on the edge of a desk/drawer.

SUGGESTION: This pattern may indicate that the person is very relaxed and listening to you. It may also indicate that this person feels superior to you and therefore may try and dictate and/or take control.

ACCEPTANCE/AGREEMENT: Nodding the head, good eye contact and warmer facial expressions. Physical

contact, for example, touching our arm or shoulder may increase or be noticed. Moving closer towards us when standing or when seated, pulling the chair closer to the table or us.

SUGGESTION: We should look for this pattern when reaching agreement, closing the deal or requesting concessions.

“The meaning of the communication is the response that you get”

OUR PERSONAL STYLE

Non Verbal Communication BEHAVIOURS TO AVOID

We may be in the habit of using some non-verbal patterns that run the risk of creating a poor impression of us.

Set out below is some common ‘negative’ patterns that we should seek to avoid.

DEFENSIVE

FACE AND HEAD

· Not looking at the other person(s)

· Avoiding eye contact or looking away immediately when eye contact is made

HANDS AND ARMS

· Clenching of fists

· Crossing arms

· Constantly rubbing an eye, nose or ear

BODY

· Leaning or turning away from the other person(s)

· Crossing of legs

· Swivelling feet towards the door when seated

ANXIOUS

FACE AND HEAD

· Blinking eyes frequently

· Licking lips frequently

· Clearing the throat

HANDS AND ARMS

· Opening and closing hands frequently or ‘rubbing’ hands

· Covering mouth with hands while speaking

· Tugging or rubbing an ear

BODY

· Fidgeting when sitting in chair

· ‘Swinging’ feet up and down

· Over use of ‘pacing the floor’

OVERBEARING/AGGRESSIVE/DOMINANT

FACE AND HEAD

· Staring at the other person

· Having a wry “I’ve heard it all before” type smile

· Raising eyebrows in exaggerated way

· Looking over the top of spectacles

· Taut mouth/narrowing of lips

HANDS AND ARMS

· Pointing finger at the other person

· Thumping fist on table

· Rubbing the back of the neck

BODY

· Standing while the other person sits

· Striding/pacing around

Tips for Oral Communication

• Consider carefully the purpose of the communication.
• Make sure the choice of communication method is appropriate to the purpose. Don’t send a sms if an email is required or telephone call is required.
• Be consistent. Every communication should reinforce your desired image and convey coherent messages. Conflicting messages erode customers’ confidence and lose you business.
• Know your audience and make sure your communication is appropriate to their interests/needs/wants.
• Consider different perspectives and think about how your communication might be interpreted by those receiving it.
• Be clear and concise, avoiding ambiguity. 
• Think before you speak.
• In any conversation, listen at least as much as you speak.
• Make sure your body language is saying the same as your words.  If there is a discrepancy between the two, people will tend to believe the messages they pick up from your body language rather than your words.

The Hidden Language of Leaders

The Hidden Language of Leaders
 by Natalie Morera | Talent Management
 
When it comes to business interactions and leading a team, you'd think simple body language - such as eye contact or the crossing of arms - bears little significance, but the truth is these gestures can send a positive or negative message to employees.
 
There are two sets of signals a person gives off, said Carol Kinsey Goman, author of The Silent Language of Leaders: How Body Language Can Help - or Hurt - How You Lead. The first sets status and authority; the next gives off warmth and empathy.
 
The air of status and authority is given off by how people carry themselves, Kinsey Goman said. Details, such as a person's height, may make them look more powerful. Leaders can typically convey warmth and empathy by using open hand signals, tilting their heads, nodding and making eye contact.
 
"There's no good or bad body language signal; it depends on what your message is," Kinsey Goman said. "Is your body language supporting or sabotaging that message?"
 
Kinsey Goman cited an instance of a presenter who she said had the crowd mesmerized. At the conclusion of his speech, he said, "And now I'm open for questions," then crossed his arms and stared at the crowd. Not one person asked a question.
 
"No one in that audience said, 'Oh my gosh, he's crossed his arms, therefore I cannot think of a question,'" Kinsey Goman said. However, there must have been complete confusion in the audience's brains.
 
If the speaker's message was to invite questions, he needed to realize that crossing his arms sabotaged that message; however, he was oblivious to this contradictory movement.
 
Aileen Pincus, principal and CEO of the Pincus Group, a communications consulting firm, explained that her company is usually asked to help with delivery issues - seldom content issues - even though the two are intertwined.
 
"For instance, if you're hesitant about something because you're not sure what you're saying is 100 percent accurate or whether you're behind what you're saying 100 percent, it's going to show," Pincus said. There are times when people who come in for training are put in positions where they must deliver information they don't believe or are not confident about.
 
In order to appear confident, leaders have to believe in what they're saying. "We have to work through those delivery issues," she said.
 
They also have to take into account one-on-one time with employees. If a difficult message has to be delivered to an employee, such as needing to let them go, it's OK for the leader to show his or her true feelings.
 
"If it's painful for you to have this conversation, it's fine to show it," Pincus said. "Why do you need to hide that? It'll make you appear more human, more empathetic."
 
By showing that emotion, leaders won't come across like they're acting.
 
"We don't want to act our way out of a bad situation," she said. One way to avoid acting is by taking time to prepare and anticipate reactions and questions before delivering a message to employees.
 
"Executives often misunderstand how much communication is going on nonverbally," Pincus said. This could include tone of voice, eye contact and other body language indicators.
 
We tend to trust what we see more than what we hear. If the two don't match, communication becomes difficult.
 
Consider public speaking as a forum of conversations, said Matt Eventoff, partner with Princeton Public Speaking.
 
"You're conversing whether people are responding to you verbally or not," he said. "Individuals in an audience give you a reaction."
 
Whether the audience members nod, shake their heads in agreement or disagreement - or even text - it's all a part of the conversation.
 
When it comes to communication, there's no good or bad, only what's appropriate for the situation.
 
That said, there are things leaders can do to make sure they're sending a positive message. Kinsey Goman offers the following body language tips for a successful collaboration:
 
1. Check Your Expectations.
"Pygmalion in the Classroom" was a study where children were chosen at random and identified to their teacher as high-achievers. Because the teacher expected more of them, the students, who were never told of their high-achieving status, had sharp increases on their IQ test scores at the end of the year. The positive expectation was delivered nonverbally and Dov Eden, a Tel Aviv University professor, found that if supervisors or managers hold positive expectations about the performance of the people they lead, that performance will improve.
 
2. Activate Your Smile Power.
A smile can stimulate one's sense of well-being. It can also tell others how approachable, cooperative and trustworthy a person is.
 
3. Use Your Head.
Kinsey Goman has found that people will speak more if the listener nods in clusters of three at regular intervals. Tilting your head is also a signal of being involved and interested.
 
4. Look at People When They Speak.
People will feel like they have your attention as long as you're making eye contact. Avoid checking text messages, glancing at your watch or looking at others' reactions.
 
5. Use the "Ultimate Connective Gesture."
When making an uplifting statement - for example, "This is a wonderful opportunity" - Kinsey Goman suggests gesturing toward the listener with an upward open palm and bringing the hands back to the body. According to her example, you would start your gesture at the word "wonderful" and bring the gesture in at "opportunity." A nonverbal, positive connection can be made this way.
 
6. Remove Barriers.
Face people you are speaking with directly. Remove barriers by closing your laptop, turning off a cellphone or putting a briefcase to the side.
 
 
[About the Author: Natalie Morera is an associate editor for Talent Management magazine.]

In-House Training Program on Effective Business Communication Skills

In-House Training Program on Effective Business Communication Skills
Communicating with Confidence for Commitment and Listening to Understand
Communicating Effectively in Business is perhaps the most basic critical skill for an individual’s successes in the organization as well as personal life. The biggest factors in Communication are Misunderstanding, Miscommunication, Reactions, Perceptions, Generalization, Assumptions and Distortions which can have disastrous consequences in Business and people. Imagine the cost involved when ideas in organization don’t get across colleagues, superiors and subordinates? Or simply people do not understand the expectations from other individuals and teams? Effective Communication in Business is not just about speaking well. It is what you speak and how you speak that needs to be worked on. It is also about what you don’t speak, since your Body Language speaks louder than your words. Well, Effective Business Communication is all about connecting with people, its about understanding and being understood. The strongest influence on the outcome of all communications is the ability to Listen effectively.	Objectives of the Workshop   Ø       To Communicate with Confidence and Commitment Ø       To overcome Misunderstanding and Dysfunctional Communication Ø       To overcome Communication Barriers Ø       To Listen and Respond with purpose Ø       To express thoughts and feelings openly, directly, clearly and effectively Major Topics of the Workshop     Ø       Communicating using the 3E’s Ø       Dynamics of Communication Process Ø       Elements of Communication – the 3V’s Ø       The major Barriers Ø       Building Gateways to Communication Ø       Listening - the most neglected in communication Ø       Giving and Receiving Feedback Ø       The Power of Non-Verbal Communication Ø       Styles of Communication Ø       Communicating Assertively Ø       Conflict Resolution Strategies Ø       Communicating with difficult person
Training Methodology   Ice-breakers, Energizers, Case Study, Parables, Paradox, communication exercises and games, personal feedback on the communication style and improvements required.	Duration   2 days 9:30am to 5pm  Faculty     Shabbar Suterwala A Corporate Soft Skills Trainer,  Coach and NLP Practitioner
Contact: Shabbar Suterwala’s Leaders Workshop Email: ShabbarSuterwala@hotmail.com , Mb: +91-989 222 5864 www.shabbarsuterwala.com

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